Unmerited Favor

I remember a little saying that is on a salt container. The picture shows a little girl holding an umbrella and she is spilling salt on the ground as she walks. The cursive sentence goes like this, "When it rains, it pours." :)  This is precisely what last week was like for me and several others that live here at YWAM Chico. First, I got sick. It was some strange flu-bug that zapped me of all physical energy and made me sleep like a drugged human being. I am so grateful that my kids didn't suffer very much. They watched a ton of t.v, though. Whatever works, you know? All you moms that have been sick while attending to children know. Second, some dear friends told us that they were leaving for school in Salem and that evening we experienced the shock of learning that our neighbor, Tim had passed away. Man, what a week!

Thankfully, I am feeling so much better now! Just before all of this happened I had been experiencing an emotional upheaval. I didn't feel loved, cared for, noticed, etc. The whispers of rejection were choking my breath and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I thought the problem was that Jake needed to understand me better and I took all these suggestions to him. I thought I needed to live close to my mother so that she could be near me and my daughters and that this would make me feel better. I laid on my bed, crying and I let out all of the pain I was holding inside. My mind was swirling with thoughts that had no solution and I felt helpless with no resolution. (That sentence kinda rhymes.) Anyway, all of a sudden, this huge torrent of pain from a lifelong wound hit me. My body doubled up at the intensity of this emotional pain. God said to me, "Michelle, I am delivering you."  He also told me, "Michelle, what you need is not _____, what you need is affection. This tough thing you do is not who you really are. You are actually very sensitive." Then , all of a sudden it was gone, the pain was gone. I felt light and free, just like that. It was like dark and light, how quickly things changed. I got out of the bed and told Jake what happened. He was so happy and hugged me and I could feel his love. All of a sudden, I could feel and receive love from God and from other people!! YAY!!!!!!
 I am seeing how much we need the ongoing knowledge of God's love. We might know He loves us in our head but it hasn't completely ransacked our heart.

I leave you with this portion of scripture from THE MESSAGE translation of the Bible, Romans 8: 31-39.
"So what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending His own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us--who was raised to life for us!--is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture...None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing--nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable--absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master embraced us."

My hope is that you will be set free from whatever keeps you from experiencing the intimate love of God and that you will feel His warm embrace today and everyday of your life. He is WITH us and it changes everything when you live in this truth! I love you and pray your heart will be filled with God's love today. It is deep, it fills and restores every part of you rbeing. It is wonderful and free and all it takes is us opening our heart to Papa.

With love!
Michelle