Just a day in the life...

Today is Thursday. Everybody is back to school. Everyone's schedule and season has changed overnight. For me, it has, anyway. My daughter started kindergarten four days ago. What a change. It is a good change but one that takes adjusting too, nonetheless.

Where did summer go?

I am thankful to have spent many days this summer with my daughters at the pool. They learned to jump in and to swim better this year.

I took a late night walk last night and stopped at the place where I watched my daughter ride her bike for the first time. I recalled the day she learned to walk and never stopped moving since. I re-played in my mind how I felt as Julianna and I watched her walk around the corner to her new school and new phase of life. It hit me yesterday. This is what I have raised her for- to be independent, respectful, a learner and to know who she is. Here she is at five years old making her way into the world.:) My husband informed me that we are a quarter into the time that she'll be home with us, that is, if we get 20 years at home with her.

So much is in my mind and heart right now, but I find that my time is such a treasured thing. I don't seem to have the luxury of writing as much as I would like. How do I prioritize that which is meaningful to me beyond the daily tasks and all the other stuff? Time will tell.

For now I find a moment to sit, enjoy my red flowers on the table before me and some coffee.

Have a great day,
Michelle

Thankfulness on a Wednesday

Thank you, Father, for blessing me with a new travel coffee cup to replace my green one that I somehow misplaced. Thank you that that is a metaphor with what you do in my life!

I get so bummed about losing stuff in my life; be it a loved one, a season that was so good in my life, things I am comfortable with and like the routine of... and yet, you faithfully show me that in loss there is something to be attained.

Losing my mother-in-law recently, grieving in her passing, brought my husband and I closer, with each other and with our family and friends.

Though my immediate family is so far from me geographically, my life is enriched as I open up to my friends, those around me and to my church people.

Having children and being a stay-at-home-mom made me miss the work I used to do everyday with Jake in staffing schools and going on outreaches. Yet, I am blown away by the continual training of my heart and responses to my imperfect, precious and fragile children. My little "Joy" and "Grace."  (Kiera Joy and Julianna Rose)

You take the things in our lives that cause heartache and sorrow and you are able to create such beautiful and new experiences and lessons for us to learn. Most of all, you work your transforming power in our hearts and teach us about our need for love and our need to love.

Papa, you are the greatest joy to me!! I love you with all of my heart! Keep showing me how much you love and desire me and I will keep praising you in painful times and in happy times. You are the greatest desire of my heart and life. May my children and my children's children see you in the great and private moments of their lives. In times when you heal someone of cancer and in times when you provide for the smallest and most intimate of their needs, like a replacement travel coffee cup or a hand of a friend that gives theirs a squeeze.

Thank you for how perfect Your love is.

Coffee-triggered Memories

After a fun evening of dinner at a favorite restaurant, double-dating with some good friends, we went over to their house and I was introduced to an exciting new game called "Ticket to Ride." All that fun made me tired today. So, after a morning $1 movie with the kids and lunch we hit the sack for some naps and got up at 5pm!:) Thus, I am having "morning" coffee now while waiting for rice to cook for tonight's fried rice dinner. :)

As I breathed in the fragrant, intoxicating aroma of Starbucks morning blend I reached for the french vanilla creamer which is a staple in our house. I felt that it was nearly empty and poured what remained into my cup. There is a little trick I learned from my dad and as I did it I was surprised with how second-nature something had become that came from him! I took the pitcher of hot coffee and poured a little  into the plastic creamer container, closed it's lid, and shook it up so I could get all of the creamer goodness which remained. The thought hit me, "Man, that is so funny that I do that! It's just like my dad."

I started thinking, "What others things do I do that I learned from my dad?"

What things do you do that you learned from your father's example? Does anything come to mind?

Mommy Encouragement

So, I am up early this morning- a rarity, let me tell you. I can't decide whether to spend my morning going for a walk or relaxing and taking a slow and long shower. I will probably do the latter choice. The cold outside or a hot shower, hmm...difficult choice.:) I am having cramps this morning, so I must track down some meds as well.

So, to the mothers out there feeling tired and stressed (like me) here is a verse to bring you rest. Matthew 11:28 Message version- "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest." Aww, sigh of rest and relief.

I am so thankful for my husband who works really hard and cares for me and his daughters so selflessly. I am thankful for my parents who have stayed together for 33 years. I enjoy thinking about moments growing up and how great my parents are. I am thankful for two lovely, amazing little girls- for my eldest who will be turning five in one month and how great she is! For my little girl, Julianna, who loves being with Mommy, and doesn't like it when I am upset with her. I am thankful for days of rain and two days of sunshine. I am thankful for good friends coming over and playing Settlers of Cataan (Brad and Rosie!).

Brad and Rosie are going to MN to continue their education. We will miss them. I am looking forward to taking time after our base Monday meeting to having a gathering to share our thanks for their last 6 years of service here at YWAM Chico. Then we will pray and send them off. I picked up a cake and flowers for them yesterday. Jake had ordered it several days ago. It bears the colors of Brad's Vikings team- deep purple and white. How sweet.:)

So, rather than tightening my body at the thought that Kiera may have been missing out on t-ball practices all month that she has been looking forward to because I haven't gotten a hold of the coach, I take a deep breath, relax, and rest knowing that God is in control and He cares for me. I receive His rest this morning. I hear the song "Come To Me" by Jenn Johnson in my head and know God is drawing me and calling to me today to Himself. I draw close, breath in the fragrance of His embrace and relax.

Today I want to simply receive His love and grace all day. Blessed Monday to you. What are you going to be doing today? How are you feeling about things?

Unmerited Favor

I remember a little saying that is on a salt container. The picture shows a little girl holding an umbrella and she is spilling salt on the ground as she walks. The cursive sentence goes like this, "When it rains, it pours." :)  This is precisely what last week was like for me and several others that live here at YWAM Chico. First, I got sick. It was some strange flu-bug that zapped me of all physical energy and made me sleep like a drugged human being. I am so grateful that my kids didn't suffer very much. They watched a ton of t.v, though. Whatever works, you know? All you moms that have been sick while attending to children know. Second, some dear friends told us that they were leaving for school in Salem and that evening we experienced the shock of learning that our neighbor, Tim had passed away. Man, what a week!

Thankfully, I am feeling so much better now! Just before all of this happened I had been experiencing an emotional upheaval. I didn't feel loved, cared for, noticed, etc. The whispers of rejection were choking my breath and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I thought the problem was that Jake needed to understand me better and I took all these suggestions to him. I thought I needed to live close to my mother so that she could be near me and my daughters and that this would make me feel better. I laid on my bed, crying and I let out all of the pain I was holding inside. My mind was swirling with thoughts that had no solution and I felt helpless with no resolution. (That sentence kinda rhymes.) Anyway, all of a sudden, this huge torrent of pain from a lifelong wound hit me. My body doubled up at the intensity of this emotional pain. God said to me, "Michelle, I am delivering you."  He also told me, "Michelle, what you need is not _____, what you need is affection. This tough thing you do is not who you really are. You are actually very sensitive." Then , all of a sudden it was gone, the pain was gone. I felt light and free, just like that. It was like dark and light, how quickly things changed. I got out of the bed and told Jake what happened. He was so happy and hugged me and I could feel his love. All of a sudden, I could feel and receive love from God and from other people!! YAY!!!!!!
 I am seeing how much we need the ongoing knowledge of God's love. We might know He loves us in our head but it hasn't completely ransacked our heart.

I leave you with this portion of scripture from THE MESSAGE translation of the Bible, Romans 8: 31-39.
"So what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending His own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us--who was raised to life for us!--is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture...None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing--nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable--absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master embraced us."

My hope is that you will be set free from whatever keeps you from experiencing the intimate love of God and that you will feel His warm embrace today and everyday of your life. He is WITH us and it changes everything when you live in this truth! I love you and pray your heart will be filled with God's love today. It is deep, it fills and restores every part of you rbeing. It is wonderful and free and all it takes is us opening our heart to Papa.

With love!
Michelle

Happy Saturday!

Hey ya'll! What is up!?

Man, it is gorgeous out there today. I am definitely going for a walk!!

A couple nights ago I went to the local Pageant Theater and watched "Iron Lady", a movie about Margaret Thatcher. It was really good. After that I went to the store and bought $72 worth of groceries. I got sucked into the sales!!! Ahhh!! I meant to get only a few things but then I saw $5 ribs, $7 chicken, "buy-one-get-one-free" bread and Ziploc bags, and paper plates...$3.99 for a dozen doughnuts...!

I ate four doughnuts yesterday!! That is why I must go for a loong walk right now!

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked came
    against me
To eat up my flesh,
My enemies and foes,
They stumbled and fell.
Though an army may
     encamp against me,
My heart shall not fear;
Though war may rise
    against me,
In this I will be confident.

Psalm 27:1-3

My children are my greatest work of Art.

Things I Want to Do

Write a book.
Create some music. Sing and record it.
Paint.
Write letters to some people.
Thank Regan and Cynthia for my shiny new tea kettle!
Seek God about the future.
Dream about what my grandchildren will be able to accomplish in their lifetime based on what I can teach my children today.
Tell my husband how much I appreciate the little things he does because he loves me.
Take a nap.

Fun Zone Episode

It’s funny how things change so quickly. You think some things will last forever or always be around, and then "poof", one day they are gone. Jake, the girls, and I experienced this this past Saturday morning. Our plan was to surprise the girls with some fun at a nearby game place called "Fun Zone." We have gone their several times as a family to ride the small rides, play ski ball, shoot hoops and play in the crawl space suspended above the ground. We have had tons of fun there and it is one of our favorite places to go. Sadly, as we drove into the parking lot we could see that the building was empty. The huge smile of joy left Kiera's face and her look turned into clouded disappointment. But, we quickly moved on and decided we could do something else.

Today I looked at a picture on our refrigerator of the girls and I taken on a ride at Fun Zone. I remembered how much fun we'd had there last summer. I recall deliberately going there to have fun and make memories with my daughters. With it being gone now I am SO glad that I took advantage of those opportunities. 

We truly have no idea what tomorrow may bring. Let us make the most of the opportunities each day holds for us. Much love to you today!

I love blogging! It gives me something to look forward to- to the time when all I want to do is sit down, write, and express all my random thoughts. My thoughts are like a deep river running through me. If not expressed I may drown in the excess of them! Ahh, I sigh, and breathe in relief. Why have I not started this sooner, I ask myself.

I watched Pride and Prejudice yesterday. It made me think of my little sister, Danae, who watches it weekly, I'm sure. It is such a great movie. I was going to watch it again today, but decided to write, instead.

I like movies. I went to the local Tinseltown yesterday, all by myself and watched "War Horse." It was directed by Steven Spielberg who does a great job telling a story cinematically. (Is that a word?") Anyway, I loved it! Beautiful scenery, a gorgeous horse as the lead character :), a wonderful story...all of that stuff that makes you hope, cry and believe.

I was wondering why I liked it so much and I think it is the whole underdog story of it. A man does something that he believes in, feels he made a mistake and yet it paves the way for destiny to come through in his life. I started thinking about the plan God has for me, for my life. He takes more than a chance on me. He believes and invests in me. He makes a way where I don't see one. He will always be here with me through the journey saying, "Be strong and courageous, do not be discouraged, do not be afraid." (Joshua 1:9). God knows I will fail at some point or the other and that's kind of where He wants it, my heart humble, quiet and broken, open before Him. I think making me open again is what He's been trying to do in my heart for awhile now.

Another lesson He is showing me is endurance. Face and relinquish your fears. For me, that battle has to do with getting healthy. I have gone walking for 3 miles the last couple days. Not only does it help me lose weight over time, my soul benefits from the time alone to think and pray and be outdoors in God's beautiful nature where so much of my creativity stems.

I cannot live this life on my own, in my own abilities and strength. I need Him. I asked Jesus the other day, "How did you do it? You lived here on earth. You were able to do it. How?" That's when He told me to stay connected to Him and to seek Him daily, throughout my day and sitting down reading and allowing Him to mentor me. I started a book called "Praying with Purpose" and He's mentoring me as I go through it. It is wonderful. For so long I have felt lost, unable to figure things out. I feel blessed to be able to have conversations with people, allowing myself to be known and wanting to connect more genuinely with others that I know and meet.

I am so thankful for what He has done and daily continues to be and do in my life.

Thanks for reading this expression of my thoughts.

Sweet Rest

In our community worship time this morning I heard from God as we waited on Him. He told me be obedient and keep seeking Me. I also could feel myself striving at first, to "worship", thinking of people watching me, trying to look a certain way, thinking too much about what I should do that soon nothing felt natural.

I stopped and simply began to worship from my heart. It felt so great. Even if all I do is just sit there and do nothing or stare off into the distance; or if I just read and think about the words and let my tears express more than I could speak or sing...that's what He wants, right?:)

At one point I simply sat in a chair with my youngest daughter and thought to myself, "Why do I feel so different now than I did a couple months ago? What has changed?" Then, I identified what is was that I was feeling.
It was rest.

New Year- 2012

At the start of this year I have decided to start a blog, a place to share my thoughts and find community with those who read it. I have been feeling a need to belong. I visited my family at Christmas and it helped me feel that feeling of belonging my soul was looking for. As soon as I said good-bye to my family I felt very sad. I felt such a loss and cried and wondered why I had such a hard time living away from them. I knew I needed to find a place of community and have that sense of belonging in the place where I presently am.

 For me that connection comes by asking God, "What am I missing?", then listening to His reply. He told me that first I need to spend time with Him. Secondly, I need to have "communion" with others. I need to ask and hear what Jesus is doing in your life. This is a way that we "break bread" together. So, I ask you, what has Jesus been doing in your life lately?  How are you experiencing Him today?